Sara is on vacation this week, so we are featuring our first ever guest blogger - enjoy!
Dear Sisters,
Since I pretty much pretend to be your oldest sister, it was kind of you to ask me to be your first guest blogger. If you hadn’t, it probably would have hurt my feelings, and then we would have had to attend family therapy. And we all know how crazy shrinks are, don’t we Sara?
So... it’s no secret that I’m just a little bit addicted to dapper boys clothing. Not for myself, of course, but for my five year old, Andrew. Although I thoroughly enjoy over-dressing him in impractical frocks for most occasions…even I have limits. While dropping off Andrew at preschool last week, I noticed a sweet young lad wearing a white polo shirt. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was indeed a genuine Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt. Did I mention it was WHITE? Is his mom out of her mind? I shook my head in disbelief as the white polo shirt sat down at the craft table with the PAINTS and MARKERS. I don’t think I need to finish this sad story. Let’s assume the best, and just believe that his father dressed him for school that
morning. It would have been easier to remove that shirt from the hanger and throw it directly in the garbage can… isn’t that right, Ava? Of course, my dad would have kept the permanently-soiled high-quality cotton polo shirt to wax his little red sports car. Then we would have been reminded of that poor decision for years to come.
Since we’re talking boys clothes (and who doesn’t want to?), how many neckties in a boy’s collection are too many? Maybe I’d get a more accurate answer if I asked Prince William, Duke of Cambridge. At last count, Andrew had eighteen in total…four of the bow variety. In his
defense, I mean my defense…you don’t really outgrow neckties. I did purge one tie, which will be finding its way to Evan’s neck. Now I feel better.
Ok, so I hear some mothers don't have a problem with their child wanting to wear the same outfit everyday. Have you heard of this nonsense? I hope neither of my sisters (that’s you guys) are participating in this ridiculous behavior. My daughter does not get to wear her Cinderella princess gown to the Walmart everyday. Oh yeah, I don’t have a daughter, and I don’t shop at Walmart… but you get the point. Rules are made to be followed. Number 1 Rule is: Mom is the boss of the closet.
As we have discussed, children already control all culinary decisions. It doesn’t matter if we dip their carrots in hot fudge, they will refuse any food they wish. I have a perfect example:
Andrew will not eat broccoli. And really, what child eats broccoli? (No, Sofie does not eat broccoli.) So we’re on Andrew’s school fieldtrip to the Whole Foods Market. The class visits each department, and a different child gets to pick a food from that department for the WHOLE class to sample. When the nice Whole Foods lady asks the kids what they want to sample in produce, some bossy mom immediately pipes up and says “broccoli.” (Wow, I bet she’s a lot of fun at a party.) So the WFM lady whips out a wood cutting board and chops up a big broccoli into bite-size morsels. She places the dry broccoli (without dip) in front of the children…and with big eyes, they all stare. My son, YES, MY son, reaches over, picks up a big floret… and pops it in his mouth and EATS IT. In unison, all the other moms look at me, and I just smile like, yeah…he eats ALL his vegetables and he makes his bed. It was a very proud moment, even though it reeked of dishonesty. He had not eaten raw broccoli before that day, or since. I’m sure I will never understand motherhood.
One more thing before I go. My sister, the cougar, will appreciate this. I’m shopping with one of my best friends about five years ago and she sees a watch with a leopard-print watchband. She holds it up and loudly says across the jewelry department, “This reminds me of you.” I said, “What?!” in horror. She said, “Yes, every time my daughter and I see something in animal print, we think of you.” I was so horrified, I didn’t even ask why. I immediately went home and looked through my closet to see if a 50+ lady from New Jersey that sings love ballads from the 80’s lived there. I smelled the clothes to make sure they did not reek of smoke or cheap perfume, and checked the pockets for BINGO stubs. My mind was racing as I tried to think back…Have I ever purchased Rio Red press-on nails? Thankfully, I could only find one leopard print t-shirt that my mother gave me. Whew. I’ve been very careful since that day when tempted in the animal print department. Even when the magazines say it’s the “latest thing”… I slowly step away. You girls hear me? Step away from the animal print.
Sara, I hope you’re having fun with Chilli in Miami. Are you guys sharing shoes like BFF’s and hanging out with the Basketball wives? Don’t forget sunscreen, or you may come home looking like Snooki.
Well, I have gone on too long. Hope this finds you both well,
Your oldest sister,
Rhonda
Rhonda lives in Portland with her husband Gene and son Andrew. She is mother to the single most dapper boy on the West Coast, and is generally regarded as one of the nicest women around. We both value her friendship, dearly, and are always excited to hear her take on parenting! - Ava & Sara
Dear Sisters,
Since I pretty much pretend to be your oldest sister, it was kind of you to ask me to be your first guest blogger. If you hadn’t, it probably would have hurt my feelings, and then we would have had to attend family therapy. And we all know how crazy shrinks are, don’t we Sara?
So... it’s no secret that I’m just a little bit addicted to dapper boys clothing. Not for myself, of course, but for my five year old, Andrew. Although I thoroughly enjoy over-dressing him in impractical frocks for most occasions…even I have limits. While dropping off Andrew at preschool last week, I noticed a sweet young lad wearing a white polo shirt. Upon closer inspection, I noticed it was indeed a genuine Ralph Lauren Polo Shirt. Did I mention it was WHITE? Is his mom out of her mind? I shook my head in disbelief as the white polo shirt sat down at the craft table with the PAINTS and MARKERS. I don’t think I need to finish this sad story. Let’s assume the best, and just believe that his father dressed him for school that
morning. It would have been easier to remove that shirt from the hanger and throw it directly in the garbage can… isn’t that right, Ava? Of course, my dad would have kept the permanently-soiled high-quality cotton polo shirt to wax his little red sports car. Then we would have been reminded of that poor decision for years to come.
 |
| $39.50 Ralph Lauren Polo + preschool = Bad Idea |
Since we’re talking boys clothes (and who doesn’t want to?), how many neckties in a boy’s collection are too many? Maybe I’d get a more accurate answer if I asked Prince William, Duke of Cambridge. At last count, Andrew had eighteen in total…four of the bow variety. In his
defense, I mean my defense…you don’t really outgrow neckties. I did purge one tie, which will be finding its way to Evan’s neck. Now I feel better.
Ok, so I hear some mothers don't have a problem with their child wanting to wear the same outfit everyday. Have you heard of this nonsense? I hope neither of my sisters (that’s you guys) are participating in this ridiculous behavior. My daughter does not get to wear her Cinderella princess gown to the Walmart everyday. Oh yeah, I don’t have a daughter, and I don’t shop at Walmart… but you get the point. Rules are made to be followed. Number 1 Rule is: Mom is the boss of the closet.
As we have discussed, children already control all culinary decisions. It doesn’t matter if we dip their carrots in hot fudge, they will refuse any food they wish. I have a perfect example:
Andrew will not eat broccoli. And really, what child eats broccoli? (No, Sofie does not eat broccoli.) So we’re on Andrew’s school fieldtrip to the Whole Foods Market. The class visits each department, and a different child gets to pick a food from that department for the WHOLE class to sample. When the nice Whole Foods lady asks the kids what they want to sample in produce, some bossy mom immediately pipes up and says “broccoli.” (Wow, I bet she’s a lot of fun at a party.) So the WFM lady whips out a wood cutting board and chops up a big broccoli into bite-size morsels. She places the dry broccoli (without dip) in front of the children…and with big eyes, they all stare. My son, YES, MY son, reaches over, picks up a big floret… and pops it in his mouth and EATS IT. In unison, all the other moms look at me, and I just smile like, yeah…he eats ALL his vegetables and he makes his bed. It was a very proud moment, even though it reeked of dishonesty. He had not eaten raw broccoli before that day, or since. I’m sure I will never understand motherhood.
One more thing before I go. My sister, the cougar, will appreciate this. I’m shopping with one of my best friends about five years ago and she sees a watch with a leopard-print watchband. She holds it up and loudly says across the jewelry department, “This reminds me of you.” I said, “What?!” in horror. She said, “Yes, every time my daughter and I see something in animal print, we think of you.” I was so horrified, I didn’t even ask why. I immediately went home and looked through my closet to see if a 50+ lady from New Jersey that sings love ballads from the 80’s lived there. I smelled the clothes to make sure they did not reek of smoke or cheap perfume, and checked the pockets for BINGO stubs. My mind was racing as I tried to think back…Have I ever purchased Rio Red press-on nails? Thankfully, I could only find one leopard print t-shirt that my mother gave me. Whew. I’ve been very careful since that day when tempted in the animal print department. Even when the magazines say it’s the “latest thing”… I slowly step away. You girls hear me? Step away from the animal print.
Sara, I hope you’re having fun with Chilli in Miami. Are you guys sharing shoes like BFF’s and hanging out with the Basketball wives? Don’t forget sunscreen, or you may come home looking like Snooki.
Well, I have gone on too long. Hope this finds you both well,
Your oldest sister,
Rhonda
Rhonda lives in Portland with her husband Gene and son Andrew. She is mother to the single most dapper boy on the West Coast, and is generally regarded as one of the nicest women around. We both value her friendship, dearly, and are always excited to hear her take on parenting! - Ava & Sara
Dear Rhonda, thanks for being our guest blogger! The Polo shirt going to pre-school made my wallet cry a little. Not good. And I can't believe Andrew stepped up and ate broccoli when it truly counted the most - in front of other moms. Who cares if he only eats it in an elaborate charade to show up the other kids? I love it! And bossy mom who "suggested" the broccoli, has no friends. Not possible.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome, I love your mommy stories, and Evan is gonna look so cute in the madras plaid, cool evening in the Hamptons blazer. Much love!
Ava
Hi Guest Blogger/Friend (love that you posted on FB so I could follow you here)
ReplyDeleteFun to read about how amazing kids can be and sometimes at just the perfect moment, YAY! I will now confess that my boys LOVE broccoli and I shall claim little to no credit for that ... nor for their clothing choices (except to demand that my youngest wear socks with his shoes) hmmmph. i love reading blogs - thanks for sharing this one... very enjoyable. A lovely guest writer choice, Ladies, I too think she's the nicest - most amazing, compassionate and woman pure of heart!! hugs ~ jolene
Rhonda! Thank you for graciously taking over this week's entry -I seriously laughed so many times while reading your observations! I love forcing us into "family therapy" and completely agree with your "crazy" attributions to the profession. So, how funny is the white polo shirt -it's fate was sealed from the moment it was gifted. Because we all know it was probably a gift. No mom, who shelled out the $ for a cute white polo, would ever haphazardly dress one's child in it. Evah!
ReplyDeleteSo proud of Andrew for stepping up to the plate & going through with broccoli-debacle 2011 without incident. In my mind, he was wearing a navy-velvet smoking jacket, with matching paisley ascot, and made a gentleman's agreement to never speak of it again. Take the credit! By the way -Sofia, actually loves broccoli (cooked w/seasoning in the oven) and regularly asks for it. I too, cannot take credit. Who knows why she'll love that, but will refuse so many other things. Seriously, who knows? But I assure you, I would never have been the bossy mom who suggested all kids eat it. Not cool, aggressive-hippie-agenda mom.
So your description of who wears leopard print killed me -omg, so funny. I've only seen a few people pull off animal print -and it was always in extremely small doses -and it was never accompanied by a spray-tan, acrylic nails, or virginia slims...but I will next time start humming Journey's "Faithfully" and see if they bite.
Miami was wonderful, and the beach was WARM...as in, the OCEAN WAS WARM. I always forget that oceans can be used for swimming...not just deep reflection and meditation. I considered going to the basketball wives store, but it turns out it's out in the middle of no-where. Dean saw one of the Real Housewives walking, said her "plastic surgery wasn't as aggressive as it looked on the show." Alas, no Chili appearances...but I heard the "situation" was at our hotel. Awesome.
Thanks again for stepping in Rhonda! You are our witty & clever oldest sister. xo xo.
Sara
Thanks ladies for all the nice comments. I had fun blogging for you. Hope you all had a nice Mother's Day. BTW, on Mother's Day I saw a woman at chuch in a head-to-toe leopard jumpsuit. For a brief moment I thought it was Ava, but it wasn't...she was blonde.
ReplyDeleteRhonda