Suffering indignities for cheaper prices.

My dearest Sissy,

I think the whole dessert rule is your pièce de résistance when it comes to good ideas. How freeing it must’ve been to leisurely enjoy your dessert, with peace of mind and the choice to perhaps, save some for another time. Truly brilliant. I believe some of the greatest scientific minds of years past only dreamt of such a discovery. I have to say that it made me want to apply this approach to full meals as well, but realized quickly it was a slippery slope that will only lead to those weird marriages where everyone splits everything evenly and are so inflexible that they eventually lead to ...well, I don’t know, drug abuse? For sure, something not healthy, which involves parallel lives. So let’s just keep it locked in for dessert, and only dessert. 

I hope you are enjoying your full portions now that you are vacationing in beautiful San Diego. I couldn’t be happier for you, and I’m sure the boys are enjoying all that special attention from wonderful family. 

Meanwhile, I am here in Philadelphia, preparing, slowly, for July in Portland. It’s actually hard to pack light, because I’m worried I can’t just bring summer clothes due to that whole phenomenon last year, where the weather was cold and overcast everyday until 1 pm or so, and then cooled down again around 6pm. Seriously, why do I have to pack a coat and sweater? It’s SUMMER. Ah, who knows? But seriously, outside of the terrible, gloomy non-seasons of Portland, you will be pleased to know that even though there is no discernible reason to be pleasant and personable, Oregonians are generally very friendly, and so...be happy that at least your normal personal interactions don’t leave you angry at every store you visit on your chore list. 

What I’m trying to say is, you guys have a little thing called “customer service,” whereas here we have a lot of...well...attitude, coupled with laziness. A lethal combination. A specific type of attitude that I like to call, “you should be happy I showed up to this job today, and I have no intention of helping you.” God help you if you actually need to locate an item -cause it’s not gonna happen. Ever. Not to mention, it is perfectly normal to see clerks eating beef jerky or cheetos, or on their cell phones while they are checking your items at the register. Totally normal. So basically there is this Target like less than a 10 minute drive away from us, and by going there, I easily replace common curtesy for convenience, or as my friend, A, said yesterday, “the Target that makes you aware of all your poor decision making and bad life choices that led you to have to shop there (a fast spiral of self reproach).” Let’s just say, one of my visits there included waiting in a super long line, only for an inebriated, erratic mom &  tween daughter to walk up to the front and go ahead of the 7 people waiting. Even though at times I welcome confrontations where it is socially acceptable to teach other’s manners in a public forum, I opted to keep my mouth shut, because of well, I wish I could say some kind of principle, but really because I was scared. Scared and felt sorry for the poor daughter who was being pushed around by the crazy mom. For the record there was a young, muscular man behind me who didn’t say anything as well, and when they left, he was like “WHAAAAAT?” We bonded over what we had witnessed and now talk almost daily on skype. Hahaaa, I’m kidding -I never saw him again, but we did for that moment share some observations over what we had seen. So last week I decided I had enough and would find the next closest Target, which was in the heart of the burbs. Not only was this new store not crowded, but there were plenty of workers actually working and not having private, loud conversations between themselves -plus, the shelves were stocked, nicely! I thought I had slipped past some type of portal to an alternate universe, but turned out to be the result of taking two freeways away from the inner city. Amazing! I was in heaven. 

So over the weekend, we were at the mall, which is far into the suburbs called “King of Prussia,” -it’s a huge, huge mall with tons of stores and is very clean and nice. No problems with customer service out there, people are sufficiently friendly and professional. Whilst there, I commenced my search for the perfect mommy espadrille, or wedge, which involves maybe a 1-2” heel, and most importantly, will not hinder one’s ability to quickly run after a toddler before they jump on an escalator. Needless to say, it has been a taxing, difficult search. At Nordstrom I noticed some cute casual ones, sitting with the Sperry “deck shoes” -you know the ones, that all the kids wear? They’re hip -and fit perfectly in my grand scheme to be down with the cool kids and eventually become Amy Poehler’s ridiculous character in Mean Girls. Let me refresh your memory and remind you of some of her quotes I can’t wait to say to Sofia’s teenage friends:

“I just want you to know, if you ever need anything, don't be shy, OK? There are NO rules in the house. I'm not like a regular mom, I'm a cool mom.”

“Soooo....what is up? Whats the 411? What has everybody been up to? What's the hot gossip? Tell me everything. What have you guys been listening to? What are the cool jams?”

Cute wedge that may or may not break one's ankle

Okay back to finding the comfortable and “maybe young kids will think I’m a cool mom” wedge: I decide to shop around and look at some of the other stores who also carry Sperry and realized that Lord and Taylor (a glorified Macy’s) was having a huge sale, where the exact shoe was 55% cheaper! Very exciting, right? Unfortunately, they were completely sold out and only had one left, in like a size 11. I asked if they had any at another location, and sure enough, they had a few left at their store -GET THIS- only ONE BLOCK away from the infamous Target I had vowed to never go back to. I decide to call the store and put it on hold, so I can come by and pick it up later. Now this is what one has to deal with in Philadelphia: even though I had put it on hold and told them I would be there to pick it up right before the store closed, I arrived at 6:55pm, and when I asked the woman in the shoe department if I could pick up the shoes, the sales clerk explained to me (with a lot of attitude) that they were CLOSED. I was like, “well the doors were open, and I have the shoes on hold” and she replied, “Doesn’t matter, you’ll have to come back another time, register CLOSED. REGISTER CLOSED ALREADY!” I was so upset and couldn’t believe that absolutely no attempt was made to locate, say, an OPEN REGISTER,(or bring the shoes out to me) anywhere in the store! I was so upset and upon entering the car and looking at a puzzled Dean, I exclaimed, “Only in PHILLY! ONLY IN PHILLY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAZINESS!” Btw, while walking out of the store, I noticed it was like 6:59pm. The store wasn’t even technically closed yet. Dean was upset too and stated the obvious, “If I was there, there’d be no way they could’ve pulled that.” It’s true. Dean gets answers, and raises his voice when people act up, while I’m the sucker who just stands there astonished by the gall. God bless her, she just didn’t want to work!


The next morning, I was at a mommy playdate, with a group I had recently joined (yes, I did venture out and try a new one, which I have not mentioned because, well, it has been nice, good, great, and the women have all been super friendly and welcoming), and posed the question to some Philly natives and transplants, and wanted to know if I should just swallow my pride and go and pick up the shoes that day. The women, all who were used to suffering the indignities of shopping in Philly, all agreed that temporarily forfeiting one’s principles is worth the steep discount. I took their sound advice and left the playground, headed to the store of mistreatment. While there, you would be pleased to know that the sales associate not only was super helpful, bringing me the shoes in 3 different sizes to compare fit, but also very friendly with Sofia -who immediately removed her own shoes to try on as many as she could get her hands on before I could snatch them away. So here I am, thinking to myself, “Sara, you ought never generalize. There is such a thing as courteous and professional sales associates. You mustn't expect the worst and now you can leave the store with a positive experience.” No sooner do I thank her for her kindness and assistance, and attempt to reinforce considerate behavior, do we have the following exchange:

Me: Thank you again so much! You were so helpful, and I really appreciate all that you did. Really. Sofia, say “Thank you.” (thank you)

L&T sales clerk: You’re welcome. Sofia? That’s a beautiful name.

Me: Oh, thank you!

L&T sales clerk: Yes, Sofia’s the name of Jesus’ granddaughter.

Me: (not thinking, automated response) Oh really? That’s nice.

Me: (now actually thinking) Wait? What? Jesus’ GRANDDAUGHTER?

L&T sales clerk: Yes, you know. He had a children with Mary Magdalene, and his granddaughter is Sofia.

Me: um, I don’t think so...(cut off)

L&T: Well, it’s a long story, I’d be happy to tell you about another time, but YES, HE HAD CHILDREN, HE WAS MARRIED.

Me: (thinking to myself, “I CAN’T. I CAN’T RIGHT NOW, I HAVE THINGS TO DO. Pick your battles.”) oh. urgh. well, bye!

Sissy! She tried to squeeze in a very controversial and well, kind of INSULTING ( & perhaps blasphemous) belief, into NORMAL CONVERSATION. I seriously was laughing on my way out, thinking, I cannot shop in this city unscathed. Something super inappropriate and awkward has to happen, no matter what! Needless to say, I’m definitely looking forward to countless uneventful interactions while in Portland and am so happy to be near you again. I can not wait! 

Hope you’re enjoying your vacation. I am counting down the days until we’re singing “reunited and it feels so gooood” in our normal, 70’s variety show manner. Kiss the kiddos for me.

xo xo,

Sara