Is my television always on?

Hello Dear Sissy,

I completely understand that scenario, as it happened to me like 5+ years ago, sans the baby. That movie sucks you in, as do all sassy southern women, and then...makes you cry. But really, I cry over everything. It doesn’t take much for a sympathetic cryer. If they’re crying = I’m crying. No matter how predictable or terrible the plot -à la Keanu’s Sweet November, Gere’s Autumn in New York, Swanks’ PS I love You...(side note: I actually googled “sad romance movies where someone dies” and got those! and I’ve seen only the ending of ALL three) How can such movies evoke so much anger and ridicule one minute from their terrible plots & bad acting, to full on tears the next? Dean caught me crying last week to The Lovely Bones, even though I literally caught the last 5 minutes. He’s like, “omg what’s wrong?” and having to explain why you’re crying is pretty embarrassing. He didn’t get it.

On a separate note, but tv related, yesterday, the television went from on-demand to whatever channel it was on originally, and yes Maury Povich was on. I got the remote to turn the television off, when not-so-surprisingly, a paternity test drew me in. Mind you I watched like 3 minutes total, but how could I deny the line, “we have twin girls -one has my eyes, the other has my neighbor’s eyes.” Shockingly, the results proved he WAS the father of his TWIN girls. That classic scenario, sadly, left no winners. 

So last night around 9:30pm, I was scrolling through old pics of Sofia, realizing how quickly she has grown and how much she has changed. I watched a few videos too, which then inspired me to do the unthinkable: I went to her crib, picked her up, brought her out to the couch so she could, you know, “sleep on my chest while I watch tv.” Since this topic has already been discussed, I won’t go into too much detail, but lets just say, she elbowed me like 3 times in the sternum and kept restlessly tossing about, until she finally (in her semi-sleep state) tried to get off the couch saying, “Elmo?” She wanted me to put Sesame Street on. So, back to the crib she went. Why? Why can’t they just lay and be cute? Why can’t they just want to be hugged and kissed all the time? 

Dean called me out yesterday for having a celebrity* “impression.” Omg, I couldn’t stop laughing. I guess I’ve just got one in the bag. Can’t help it. It really is just one line, which repeatedly is shown on VH1 for a “What Chilli Wants” commercial -which naturally, is  the reality show for the TLC singer who dated Usher. Apparently, she’s getting old and wants to settle down...assuming with failing male models or “actors” thinking this will be their big break. Because, well you know, some high powered casting director will most definitely be watching, and thinking his “refreshing look” is exactly what they’re looking for in a top hollywood movie. So basically, she’s looking for a narcissistic restaurant server, with creative aspirations. Anyway, not that I’ve watched the show -just the one preview for her SECOND season, repeatedly. So in said preview, she’s having a radio interview with...wait for it...Steve Harvey...(and of course I had no idea he even had a radio show), where he says, “Sounds like what Chilli wants is...TOO DAMN MUCH” -and then the camera closes in the face of a “he did not just go there” Chilli expression. 

So needless to say, I’ve done whatever I can to somehow engage Dean in a setup where I can say, well, said glorious line. Last night, I remembered Dean had actually gone to her birthday party, I assume in Miami, back in the day...which is some sort of claim to fame of Dean’s cool years -and anyway, so I say, “Did you get her a present, did she like it? or not????” Perfect set up, right? So then he said, without skipping a beat, “I never thought I’d be married to a woman who has a Steve Harvey impression.”  The End.

*term used extremely loosely, in fact, maybe even incorrectly

Okay Sissero, must go tend to Sofia. Please give the boys a big kiss from Auntie and tell them how much I love them.

xo xo,

Sissy Sara