I Ain't No Hollaback Mom

Mi Sisee mi amore –

WHY are you trying to make me watch Real Housewives?! That’s your biggest request?! I don’t know if I can do it, but I might try once for you. Once. Truth be told, after reading your compelling letter I noticed that the latest episode of RH-NYC was repeating on Bravo. I had a few seconds of should I? / shouldn’t I? and finally decided to take the plunge. It lasted 5 minutes. The minute I saw Jill's sourpuss, manipulative, entitled face... dressed in some unrealistically-fancy-for-the-occasion, age-inappropriately-short dress… I couldn’t do it. I CANNOT support something that may be getting more money into her cheap, greedy pockets. I can’t. Literally. Sorry Sisee. And don’t get me started on the “countess” who was the other night being forced to (very, very awkwardly) explain to the crazy, low-voiced British Housewife from DC just why exactly she’s authorized to give people etiquette lessons. So uncomfortable. But Sis, fear not – I plan on picking up on the latest season of Real Housewives New Jersey. I kind of love Caroline Manzo. I actually watched the first 10 minutes when Theresa’s brother tells her to get lost (and calls her garbage?!?! OMG!) at HIS OWN BABY’s christening… which she was invited to… BY HIM. OMG, too, too much! I like how her reaction was (and always is) “Wait, what? What?! WHAT THE *^@%$#&!*#% DID YOU SAY TO ME YOU *#*&#%*?!?!?!?!” That woman does sudden explosive blind rage like no one else.

Sis, you know that Gwen Stefani song “Hollaback Girl” which is apparently about finding out that someone’s talking “trash” about you, and deciding to take care of business rather than just talking trash back? Well, I feel like I’m trying to resist being a Hollaback Mom… in regards to someone who has been disrespecting me as of late... in front of others… and who blatantly talks back to me at will… his name is Evan, my 3 year old son. I don’t know what crazy, bad-magic happens suddenly when kids turn three, but my little gentleman will sometimes turn into a temperamental, fit-throwing, back-talking bully. The other day I took him to the over-priced kids’ haircuts place. While we were waiting for his turn, he played at a train table in the waiting area. There were like six or seven other parents waiting with their kids. Evan has seasonal allergies and the kids Claritin hadn’t kicked in yet so he was coughing and sneezing occasionally. On one of the instances where he coughed, I gently reminded him “cover your cough, sweetie.” He promptly shot me eye-daggers and snapped “NO! I WON’T!” Can you say embarrassing? Not to mention, RUDE! Some of the other parents started giggling and I "lightheartedly" explained that he’s not sick and just has allergies… and that really he’s normally good… and actually very sweet…and WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?? And that’s not the first time. We were at a store recently where the cashier offered him a sticker. After he took it I said “say thank you, honey.” His reply: “NO! I don’t WANT TO!” What?!... OMG, WHY don’t you want to say thank you?? What are you, a Neanderthal? Just SAY THANK YOU for Pete’s sake. Man! Also, why are you hell-bent on disrespecting me in public?! He’s smart enough to know that with a cart full of stuff and another kid (trying to jump out of aforementioned cart at literally all times), I’m not gonna instantly discipline him like I would at home. I don’t know what to do! He’s normally so sweet, but these little incidents of defiance are slowly creeping in and with an 18 month old in tow, I’m more often than not incapable of nipping things in the bud. It’s like I need to meet him at the bleachers (no principals, no student teachers) and fight him! If this wasn’t my kid, I would’ve taken care of business after the first or second incident, but for some reason I can’t get my own son to quit using the manners of an English street urchin. Unbelievable. The other day I had made him put his toys away against his will, and when I asked him afterward what he’d like to do, he said “I want YOU to LEAVE.” Spiteful! Now that was just uncalled for. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.

Sis, on the topic of bad TV, are you aware Desperate Housewives is STILL on?! WHO is watching?? Reveal yourselves! Seriously, even Brett goes “Are we watching something we DVR’d in 2005, or is that show really still on?” Thank you, wise and witty husband. Ridic. Also, Grey’s Anatomy… why is that even a show? It’s so beyond terrible. I’m no class act when it comes to picking TV shows (see first paragraph) but even I have my limits. I think the hardest to believe aspect of that particular show is the premise that Meredith Grey is in her early 30’s and attractive doctors live in Seattle. Both of those assertions are just too absurd to buy.

So, as you know, my awesome hubby surprised me on my birthday with a trip to Las Vegas. Truly surprised – I had no idea, and he had booked the trip months ago. What good man! Anyway, it was actually my first time there and I thoroughly enjoyed the 90+ heat. It was awesome! Can I say, as an aside, how crazy much I appreciate having a husband whose idea of a good vacay is laying around doing nothing, with the occasional stroll and outings for food & drinks. No itineraries. No plans. No sightseeing. Just hanging out, with very little physical movement. Can you imagine if I had to pack my "rafting shoes" "just in case"... we better not even go there. (PS. I don't own rafting shoes.) Of course, we never went inside our hotel's requisite "party pool" (Liquid Lounge - cheeesy) but as we walked by, we did hear some of the tell-tale, dj-spun: unst! unst! unst! unst! Thankfully, we could see the entire pool area from our room and scoped out the perfect seats as far away from Yo MTV Pool Party, as possible. A final observation: Our hotel - The Aria - was pumping in what can only be described as a vanilla-orchid-like odor through the main public indoor areas, at all times. Since it's a brand new hotel, the smell of cigarettes (and REGRET... am I right? Ladies?) hasn't permeated all the physical things in the hotel, so walking through can be a pleasantly candle-store smelling. All in all, pretty nice (read: clean. new.) hotel.

I was here the other day. Sigh!

Sisee, have a great Memorial Day weekend with Deano and Sofsof. I miss you guys so much. I can't believe my little niceykins is going to be two soon! Give her a big kiss from Auntie.

xoxoxo
Ava