Disciplining Other People's Kids = Annoying

Dear Sisee –

How was Miami? Did you enjoy the sun, the palm trees and all the inappropriately under-dressed people? I saw your pics and while your trip seemed nice – all that lounging in the sun, walking on the boardwalk, wearing cute 50’s inspired clothing –it left something to be desired, I felt. And that something is rain. I don’t want to push your jealousy button, but let’s just say in the NW we’ve had one of the coldest springs in history… holla! In March alone there were only two non-rainy days. I guess like every single deeply depressed Oregonian says about the rain when they’re trying to lie themselves into believing it’s ok to see blue sky only 10 days a year (minor exaggeration. Or is it?)… “THAT’S why it’s soooo beautiful here!” Is it beautiful? Ok, yeah, it’s not bad. But you know where else it’s beautiful? SAN DIEGO.

So, anywho… I find myself in a dilemma as of late and need your advice. As you know, we have about 25 or so kids in our little neighborhood, which is totally awesome. Now that Evan and Alec are getting old enough to “play”, I find myself even more thankful for the steady stream of kids hanging out in our yard on nice days, and graciously/lovingly entertaining two little boys. Most of them are little girls and it really is an amazing blessing having them around, especially considering we had no idea who lived even next door to us at our last house. They’re sweet, funny, and bring a happy spirit with them, and I love it! Love!  I’ve realized however, that with the gift of joyful children playing on the front lawn comes the added responsibility of ensuring some rules are followed. For instance no pushing/shoving, no picking flowers or plucking leaves (yeah, I’m gonna be that mean lady who likes my plants left alone – for now at least, since I just started my path to master-landscaper-hood), and the slide can be used only as a slide and in no other fashion. So on and so forth. Basically, common sense rules that most parents enforce at their homes, which most kids will follow with gentle-but-firm reminders. MOST kids. Sisee, this is where my dilemma enters the picture. There are one or two kids who have to be not-so-gently-and-very-firmly reminded of my rules CONSTANTLY. Constantly, Sis. It sometimes gets to the point where it’s easier for me to just play with / watch over Evan and Alec by myself - elsewhere. Yesterday, I saw one of the non-compliant kids, and I promptly put the boys in the double-stroller and headed to park before we were engaged and my afternoon suddenly into a steady stream of obvious no's. How is this a reality?  Am I crazy? I’m not asking them to put on navy-themed uniforms and speak only when spoken to through an old time millitary whistle (I’M Brigitta, SHE’s Louisa, and I think your skirt is the ugliest I’ve ever seen! Oh, SoM – you have my heart.) Anyway, inevitably, when these particular kids do come around, it takes 90% of my concentration to continuously ensure they’re not A) picking at my plants with gardening tools (yes, that’s “A” – it’s a big pet peeve. You know how much plants cost and how much effort it takes to maintain them?? I’m not mean about it, but don’t touch that lavender bush. Ever.) Where was I… oh, yeah… continuously ensuring they’re not B) pushing/trying to unsafely lift my kids, or other kids. C) Taking non-kid things out of the garage (just today: “I’m gonna take this broom to my house for a little while.” Um, no you’re not.) D) Making an unnecessarily large mess they won’t be / aren’t capable of cleaning themselves. E) Refusing to share MY kids’ stuff. F) Asking me to “go inside” and get them a snack (YEAH. I’M SERIOUS.) G) Trying to whack my friend’s car with a rake and refusing to stop (said friend promptly sent the offender home). Sis, as you can imagine, it can be EXHAUSTING! And my problem isn’t that I CAN’T discipline them, or be firm/cross when it’s called for – you know I have no problem confronting kids and adults alike, when required. My issue is that I don’t WANT to be the disciplinarian, but I have to be each time these kids are around. I’m already responsible for raising two little human beings who will be good people who respect others and the law, who have legit moral compasses, who can gauge appropriate conduct vs. inappropriate, who do unto others, etc. etc. Do I also have to teach other people’s kids to be good and listen? I don’t want to! I want them to just be good kids on their own and because their parents taught them. And for Heaven’s sake, I’m not getting you a snack. You live like right over there. Did you notice I’m in the middle of planting something? No, you can’t touch it. Ever. Anyway, am I mean ol’ Mrs. Grumps McCranksy laying down the law for these kids (or sending them home, which I have no problem with) or do I need to chill out? What should I do? It only happens on a truly frustrating level, maybe 20% of the time, so do I just accept that it is what it is? Like our favorite swiper likes to say: Oh maaaan!

Sisero, how is my niece? Why was she calling me “Sisee Piggie” on the phone the other day? What are you teaching her?! Suffice it to say, I’m deeply offended. Well, if it means anything, I sat next to Evan the other day to see what he was playing with / reading, and he looked me straight in the face and bluntly said “I want you to leave me alone.” Oh, ok. And I’d like for you to stop being RUDE! And then there is Alec who kept running into the street (in front of the house)  – when I stopped him for the 4^th or 5^th time, he growled like a lion and charged at me with a giant yellow sidewalk chalk. I can’t wait til they’re old enough to understand guilt and I can hold the whole “giving birth” thing over them in every remotely applicable scenario, til it quickly fizzles out and stops being effective. Truly though, they are two of the sweetest kids in the world. I sing to each of them at night, and it melts my heart watching them all sleepy and listening to “This Little Light”, “Dream a Little Dream” (Alec) and “Silent Night” (Evan – he doesn’t care if it’s not Christmas. Sometimes I try to suggest something else, and he huffs “SILENT. NIGHT.”) We’re so blessed to have these beautiful, healthy children Sis.

I can’t wait to see you Sisee. Enjoy Philly in the 75 degree Spring and remember that even though it’s cold and rainy here… we have…  ugh, NOTHING. So what, who cares. The rain sucks. I’m bitter.

Love you.

Ava